Hi people.

This post has been in my draft since early March, 18th March to be exact. I want to dedicate this post for my first hero, Abah, on his birthday. But I've been struggling to put my thoughts into words since abah was gone. I just couldn't bring myself to write something for him, knowing that I may end up crying, as usual. Duh and it's already July now, it's been 378 days since abah left us and my internship is going to end on 20th of July, so I have some spare time to sit and write in a quiet corner of my office, hoping that no one will see me sobbing or typing with teary eyes.

It was 2 weeks after abah birthday. I was driving back to Melaka with my brother, Hidayat, when he suddenly said "Kakak nak tahu tak, ramai pemuda kampung puji abah bila diaorang jumpa abang." (Hidayat bahasakan diri dia abang)

I know Abah was someone yang friendly with everyone kat kampung tu. I still remember when I was still a kid, abah selalu pergi main bola sepak atau takraw dengan pemuda kampung, bila balik dia akan belanja makan atau ajak makan kat rumah, malam pulak kadang-kadang dia ajar budak muda main kompang. Kalau keluar makan kat kedai, almost everyone will stop and say hi to him. I thought abah must be friendly with everyone. But, it wasn't just that, he was not only friendly, but he also changed their life. They said he will always influence their life with positive things.

Rupa-rupanya, orang kampung cakap kat Hidayat, he's very generous with his time and efforts because he's trying to stop the youngsters in his kampung from getting involved with bad things (merempit, taking drugs and melepak). Dia sanggup sponsor football kit and kompang just for that. Ada sorang ni, let's call him Din. Din cakap dulu dia selalu main bola dengan abah. Abah support dia sampai dia dapat jadi wakil Dun and it wasn't only him. Bila Din dapat sambung belajar, tiap kali dia balik kampung, abah selalu bagi dia duit belanja. Saying that he shouldn't stop studying because that's the only way for him to help his family. 

Abah bukan dari keluarga yang senang. Abah ada 12 orang adik-beradik and dia anak ke 8. His dad, arwah atok dulu kerja nelayan je and his mom, arwah nenek suri rumah. But nevertheless, dia selalu hulurkan bantuan dekat orang kampung. Dia tak pernah kedekut. Dia selalu beli ikan yang orang kampung jual sampai rumah kami jadi rumah pertama orang kampung datang kalau diaorang dapat ikan. Dia pesan, kita senangkan orang, Allah senangkan kerja kita juga. Betul kata dia. Sekarang bila dia dah takde, kalau rumah ada masalah, orang kampung tolong tanpa minta balasan. Kalau kereta ada masalah atau nak basuh, pemuda kampung siap datang rumah, tolong bawakan kereta ke workshop atau car wash. Now it all make sense, now I know why everyone is so generous with us.

Ketiadaan abah disebut-sebut dan dirindu-rindu oleh orang sampai imam surau pun cerita kat ibu dia menangis bila dia bagi salam sebab abah takde kat belakang dia macam selalu. Setiap majlis keramaian atau kenduri orang kampung, tak pernah diaorang tak sebut nama abah. 

"Selalunya kalau kacau dodol mesti Haris yang beria tolong."

"Selalunya kalau ada mesyuarat kampung mesti Haris dah susun kerusi."

"Selalunya kalau ada Haris, meriah sikit kenduri ni."

I never thought abah is actually an important figure for them. He is one of the significant people who have touched their lives, truly seen them, believed in them, encouraged them and healed them. He may not have even been in their lives for a long period of time, and yet his impact was strong, even profound. 

Abah, I never thought I will truly get to know you after you left this world.

Abah, I promise that you will never be forgotten. I promise that you will always be part of us and I promise that I will keep on reminding Hidayat, Hafiy, Debby and other people of how big your love and kindness was for all of us. I will be like you, I will help people as much as I can. Know that I'll always love you. There's no denying that I'm missing you so much. I wish that I could hear your voice once again and I wish that you were still here to witness my achievements and be there for my convocation. All I can do now is pray that we all will reunite again in Jannah and I hope you are watching us from above. 

I love you, in this world and the next,

Your firstborn.