I am certainly not myself for the past few weeks. I have never felt this way before... hence I have a very difficult time dealing with these emotions. I guess the pandemic has finally taken a toll on me and it was hard to open up with other people with all these problems when I don't even know what is happening. I just don't know anymore. So, I thought maybe I will feel ~a little bit~ better if I write it down here (hoping no one read this dalam waktu terdekat , but I doubt that or it will be super awkward).

I was full of rain clouds now, I always put up a strong front because I never wanted anyone to worry. I realized that I have lost my general concern about life, study or anything. I am tired and exhausted even I've done nothing physically, so I am unable to function effectively at work. Day-to-day tasks become overwhelming and I seriously don't mind staying in bed for the whole day. I've done that though. I don't even know how many times I've said to my housemate- "can I just skip today?", I meant it even though I am not sure if they thought I was joking about that. I don't even want to socialize or go out, I prefer to be left alone but I tried and it's draining my energy. So, I spent most of my time with my phone, trying to distract myself. But mannnn!!! I was tired with this....I wasn't like this before. I've tried to be rational and think hard on reasons "why am I like this?!". I know the emotions are inevitable but how do you handle this? Seriously.

But hey, maybe it was just homesickness or a burnout. I will be fine right? I hope so.